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By Dr. Cris Haltom
Mary Ellen's experiences (which you may read about in Part 1.) and thoughtful reflection suggest the following TEN TIPS for parents:
1. MAINTAIN HOPE. Mary Ellen says, "You see I believe that as long as we have hope in our heart no matter what we are faced with, victory is achievable."
2. Recognize that YOUR CHILD'S STRUGGLES, although tough, can potentially give her or him strength.
3. Don't fall prey to the exploitation and sensationalization of eating disorders. The media has been guilty of normalizing eating disorders as socially acceptable as well as dramatizing and exploiting the horrific affects of these illnesses. SEE EATING DISORDERS FOR WHAT THEY ARE and focus on accurate information, education and prevention.
4. FIND TIME TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF so that, as Mary Ellen says, we, as parents, are not "defined by our children's eating disorders." You will be healthier and more able to "focus clearly" on the issues - what you can and can't do - when you take time for yourself.
5. When discouraged about treatment moving slowly, remember that RECOVERY IS A PROCESS, RELAPSE IS PART OF RECOVERY, and eating disorders are particularly difficult to treat.
6. Although parents are powerless to "fix" their children with eating disorders, they can take an ACTIVE ROLE IN THE DISEASE and be aggressive in getting their child the professional help needed.
7. Don't assume if your child looks okay, he or she is okay. Many symptoms, such as vomiting and laxative use, are not manifested in obvious changes in appearance. RELY ON PROFESSIONAL EVALUATION, not visual assessment of your child.
8. CHOOSE TREATMENT PROFESSIONALS who listen to you as well as your child.
9. Parent self-blame is self- destructive. FOCUS ON SOLVING THE PROBLEMS, including acknowledging and rectifying any ways you may by inadvertently supporting the disease. Mary Ellen reminds us, "We cannot change the past...yesterday will always be yesterday...to go back and forth on the how's and why's only saps our energy."
10. Channel your own pain into making a difference in the battle against eating disorders. MAKE A STEP in your own home such as vowing not to read popular magazine articles or advertisements on lose-weight-fast gimmicks. Mary Ellen suggests removing a scale or full-length mirror. Or make a step in your community by supporting or creating resources for education, prevention, and treatment.
Clausen, Mary Ellen.
Interview with Mary Ellen Clausen on 12/31/03.
Excerpts from Mary Ellen Clausen's speech to the Eating Disorder Coalition's Congressional Briefing, Feb. 26-27, 2003, at the Capitol, Washington, D.C.
Mary Ellen Clausen, Founder, Ophelia's Place.
Cris Haltom has a Ph.D. from Cornell University. She is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Ithaca, N. Y. Cris is an Approved Supervisor (#110) for the International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals. She is available for training, presentations, and workshops. She has published articles, co-edited a text book, appeared on cable television, taught workshops, and taught academic courses as adjunct faculty at Cornell University and other colleges.
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